Girls, Growth & Wedding 1: Andrea Lauren

I have been alive 17,969 days. Of those 17,969 days I have been a father for 9,665 days. That is 54% of my life. I am now more of a father than a person. I absolutely love being a father. I love my daughters.

I see the individuality of each one of my girls and, at the same time, I see the carry-overs of DNA, family traits, learned behaviors and peculiarities of their parents, Pam and me.

My girls are Andrea Lauren, Alexis Nicole and Amanda Marie. Andrea is twenty-six, Alexis is 18 and Amanda is 16. I have three and a half years left of being the father of a teenager. When the teenage era finally comes to an end in this family I will have been the father of a teenager from 1995 until 2012. That is seventeen years…SEVENTEEN YEARS. Can a man survive that? What does it do to a man? Not only will I have been the father of a teenager for SEVENTEEN years, but the the father of at least one, and sometimes, TWO TEENAGE GIRLS.

I love it (most of the time) and adore my girls.

But now, I come to a change in my life. On November 1, at seven in the evening, the music will begin, the candles will be lit and I will be standing to the right of my oldest daughter as the doors to the church open and I walk down the aisle to give her away to a young man who will become my son-in-law. She will, within twenty minutes, cease to be Andrea Lauren Underwood and become Mrs. D Andrew McMahon. Who made the decision to make girls change their name? They do not do that in Latin America. I think we should learn from others and let her remain an Underwood, or better yet, let him decide if he might want to take her name. What do you think? Okay…I know. Leave me alone about it.

My Andrea will become somebody else’s Andrea in sixteen days. I am excited, scared, tickled, frightened and ready. I am glad, happy and ecstatic to see her heart filled with love and life, plans and purpose, eternity and energy. When I give her away, (and this is our secret here in this blogosphere,) I am secretly going to hold on to some of her. There is no way I am giving it all. She will always be MY daughter with (some of) my quirks, my impatience, my emotion, my sarcasm, my care for others, my gifts of communication, my internationalization, my diversity. She is mine by the will of God (because she would never have chosen me as a father.) I have hurt her, disappointed her, left her aghast, confused her, spanked her, yelled at her, lied to her, been angry at her, and l have loved her in it all.

As I ponder fatherhood and the future, I think of what I have missed doing, saying, being. I cannot go back and do it over, it is done. But, I can pay it forward. I want my daughter to be a better parent, model, guide and mentor that I was or am. I have complete confidence in that potential.

I am proud. I am dad. Nothing will ever change that.

When she was a younger teenager, Bob Carlisle wrote and sang a song that brought tears to my eyes. Andrea hated the song because every time we heard it I would cry. I cry when my heart is touched. I have shed hundreds of tears just typing this blog.

The last verse to that song is about to be realized in my life. I give the entire song to you, though, because I am writing about all of my daughters today….and I will walk this path twice again. It hurts, but it hurts good. You know that kind of pain…where you feel it and you know that it is producing something wonderful – wholeness.

Here are the lyrics…. Andrea, if you read this, don’t get mad at me.

here’s two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven, and she’s Daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life, oh but most of all…

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
Walk beside the pony Daddy, it’s my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy, but I sure tried
Oh with all that I’ve done wrong, I must of done something right
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet sixteen today
She’s looking like her Mama, a little more everyday.
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and makeup, from ribbons and curls.
Trying her wings out in a great big world, but I remember…

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
You know how much I love you Daddy, but if you don’t mind
I’m only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time.
With all that I’ve done wrong, I must of done something right
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time, oh, like the wind the years go by.
Precious butterfly, spread your wings and fly.

She’ll change her name today, she’ll make a promise, and I’ll give her away.
Standing in the bridegroom just staring at her
She asks me what I’m thinking, and I said I’m not sure.
I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl, and she leaned over…

Gave me butterfly kisses with her Mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it’s just about time.
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy? Daddy, don’t cry.
Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong, I must of done something right.

To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses,
I couldn’t ask God for more, than this is what love is.
I know I gotta let her go, but I’ll always remember…
Every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses.

I love my girls….Congratulations, Andrea, on a wonderful life you have made.

You can learn more about the heart of this amazing young lady through her writing at…  Shalom Existence

~ by phil underwood on 16 October, 2008.